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Strange Disappearances Plague Town Where Hit Movie Was Filmed by Alex Vain
The Nebraska town where a satirical movie ridiculing aliens was filmed has been troubled recently by a number of mysterious missing persons cases.
Police have been unable to explain the disappearances of seven people over the last three days since release of the movie, "Be Mean to a Green Alien if You See One Because They're Really Stupid on Top of Being Ugly" hit theaters.
The film, bolstered by Internet talk, grossed $183 million during its first three days of screenings and has brought millions of dollars in revenue to Valentine, Nebraska thanks to a clever marketing campaign by the film's creators.
In the picture the lead character becomes so obsessed with the thought of intelligent life on other planets that he wages a jealous and bitter campaign degrading and demoralizing space aliens as half-wits and numbskulls.
To help generate buzz, the film's makers granted Valentine officials the sole license to design T-shirts insulting aliens that are similar to the T-shirts the actor wears throughout the comedy.
Valentine's mayor, however, isn't amused at the deal his political rivals cut with film makers. "I find this type of behavior reprehensible," an irate mayor Ben Swindling said. "This so called work of cinema is really a piece of garbage that fuels hatred and this town has no room whatsoever for hate. We are hate-free. And you know what, I really hate when this shit happens during an election year."
Officials with knowledge of the seven cases say they closely resemble one another. In each instance the victim was either wearing a T-shirt insulting aliens or was last seen near a movie theater. Eyewitness accounts have placed a single bright object or light in the sky following each of the disappearances sparking rumors of invaders from space and alien abductions.
"This is really weird," said 17-year-old Tyler Hanks, who police have questioned as a witness. "I was driving home one night after getting high with my buddies when my car just died. No nothing, right, so I get out to check under the hood but it's dark outside. Suddenly I see a light from the sky and I'm like whoa I can see now. Thanks dude. I was able to fix my car, drive home and have a peanut butter sandwich before curfew."
Postal worker David Seasons was last seen in the area where Hanks' car broke down that night. Relatives say he was wearing a T-shirt badmouthing aliens the night he went missing.
"Just leave us alone. He didn't mean you any harm," a teary Rosa Seasons, David's sister, pleaded. "Please give me my brother back. Probe him if you want but leave him in one piece. Oh, if you can get rid of that mole on his face go ahead, but give him back to us soon. I've had it up to here looking after his cat."
What happened to Seasons and the six other missing people remains a mystery but UFO experts agree bizarre lights in the sky and sudden unexplained disappearances in a town now infamous for mocking aliens through government authorized T-shirts are no mere coincidence.
"This film and this town are tipping the balance of power in the galaxy," UFO for Life expert Hubert Davies said. "This is not a good thing for earthlings. These creatures obviously have feelings and emotions just like we do. My guess is they are exacting revenge for a film that has been grossly successful at their expense. It's either that or Valentine carries the only brand of T-shirt these aliens want and can't find anywhere else in the universe."
While officials continue to investigate the cases, interest in Valentine has reached all-time highs. The town has made national news and several other film makers have expressed excitement in Valentine as a potential shooting location.
"Tourism is up in this town," mayor Swindling said. "We've made a ton of money and interest has peaked through the roof, but I can honestly tell you that I don't care because I think we made a deal with the devil. I care about those seven missing people because they're missing on my watch during a time when I'm trying to get reelected."
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